I WON’T Apologize

WOW! I knew it had been a while, but I guess I just didn’t realize how long its been since I’ve been here.  But I WON’T apologize for my absence. Things happen 4 a reason.

This is my space and quite frankly, I will use it as I need and want. When I need and want and can. Not as others claim I should.  Yes readership has fallen off. Yes my friends who know about this have asked ‘when will you write again?’ Yes its been a long time.  Quite simply, I just haven’t been able to get the words out.  Life just hasn’t been playing anywhere close to fair. 

I know in the past I promised to be better, but life quite frankly since my last post went from manageable (lonely and wanting in some areas, but manageable)… to a brief respite of good …to falling off a cliff. And it wasn’t something I chose by any means, I got pushed.  Blindsided and shoved is really more like it. (More on this later.) 

So everything has been in so many ways upside down, inside out and backwards. Actually, it still is.

You see before I would come here and try to ‘talk’ things out. Get the feelings out through words, get them down on this virtual paper, if you will.  But things have been so upside down, inside out and backwards that i just haven’t had the energy.  I just couldn’t write. It was too hard to put the words together.  I simply couldn’t get here.  To relive what was, has and is still happening just took a mental strength I didn’t have.  To use another analogy, I’ve been down for the count. A literal 1-2-3 punch… on the mat… and not sure how, or if, I could get back up.

Yet, here I am. Its taken time to work through some things, but I’m up. Maybe sitting more than standing, crawling more than walking, but I’m up and getting there.  I’ve got some air back in my lungs. I’m moving forward again…

slowly…
                                          hestitantly…
                                                                                   cautiously…

but forward nonetheless. Not just motion, but progress.

And with that, I’ve decided to restart this blog thing.  Not because you asked. Not because I started this thing and shouldn’t ‘quit’. But because I want to. I’m ready to again. I’ve reflected, done lots of thinking (don’t get me wrong there’s still plenty to do) and feel I can put things here again with a bit more vision and understanding.  Or atleast feel I can write about these things and gain more clarity. 

However, here’s a note of caution going forward… (and you can thank Life for my directness here. I’m done sugar coating things for other’s benefit and apparenty to my detriment). 

• I WON’T apologize for lapses in writing.
• I WON’T apologize for the topics I choose to write about.
• I WON’T apologize for my thoughts on these varied topics.
• I WON’T apologize for my feelings. They are mine. They are real. They are important to me.
• I WON’T apologize for living my life. I’m doing the best I can given the circumstances.
• I WON’T apologize for who I am.

So going forward if you choose to continue reading my ramblings, rants and raves consider yourself warned.  Oh and one final thing until next time…

I WON’T apologize for believing Things Happen 4 A Reason. 

Its what I have faith in. Its all I know. Its the only thing I hold on to that provides me any real comfort or explanation for why Life happens the way it does.  Its the underlying notion of this blog…  and I WON’T apologize.

Advertisement