Rule #1: Brutal Honesty

Its a rule.  Has to be.  Its THE rule, the one and only….

The whole rule is really:

Rule #1 Brutal Honesty because when it comes to the heart, it can’t be anything else.

Sounds harsh I’m sure.  Brutal doesn’t mean mean, it doesn’t mean spitful, it does’t mean to be intentionally hurtful… it has to be respectful

its just blatantly … without hesitation… don’t hide behind it.. don’t be ashamed of it… HONESTY. 

Has to be…I don’t have the strength for it to be anything else.  I need to know where I stand.  I need to know the other person isn’t playing…need to know its real.  And the thing is… no offense can be taken on either side, can’t worry about hurting someone (per say… truth may hurt, but it doesnt have be to mean spirited), just honest feelings – good, bad, right, wrong.

ok.. rule #1 … its more for me than anyone else.  if I demand it in others, I can’t do anything less.  I can’t just “forget about it” or let it be ok… can’t hide the anger, hurt, pain, fear…

And that’s hard for me. 

I’m afraid…

afraid of hurting someone with my words, afraid of disappointing, afraid of not being good enough… afraid being me, how I feel, isn’t acceptable…

afraid that sharing at this level, people will know the real me and leave.  Funny huh?  It wasn’t this way previously in any relationships.  they were guarded, suppressed, politically correct, fearful to some degree…and here I am… just me.  Ironic.

So Rule #1 it is. 

As hard as it is, its a great rule.  You can’t hide behind it. Have to say what you feel and how you feel – no matter what.  Its freeing.  Especially when the person you can share at this level with gets it and can handle it.  It doesn’t work any other way.  All the cards are on the table… no tricks up your sleeve… any elephants in the room have to be dealt with or at least discussed.

I havent had anybody I could share with like this until recently.  Don’t ask me how it started… kind of snuck up on me – this connection.  But the rule… makes it easier for as hard as it is. Does that make sense? 

There is no hiding with this rule…

have a thought… have to share… rule #1

nervous about saying something… have to say it.. rule #1

afraid of being judged… not to worry that’s part of rule #1

If you are going to abide by this rule, its really an all or nothing proposition.  You need to be willing to say it and accept it no matter what.  And thats hard (i said that already).  It really is taking a leap of faith and jumping in the deep end of the pool probably because inherent in this rule is TRUST…UNDERSTANDING…ACCEPTANCE.  Its all out there…super exposed, no holds barred…

And if you find someone to share with on this level, its flat out AMAZING.  The depth of conversations … the topics for discussion are anything and everything.  Yet a new fear…or maybe an old fear at a new depth… what happens if that person leaves?  They know my secrets, deepest feelings, biggest fears, likes/dislikes, … you name it.  And now they’re gone… what then? 

WOW!  Not sure what to do with even the possibility of this… I talk to this person everyday in one fashion or another…look to this person for advice on, well, everything… The void without this person would be immense, not sure I am capable of dealing with another loss right now… (we’ll leave this for later).

Back to Rule #1… it kicks ass!  It does. It is such an amazing feeling on how you can connect with another person.  If I only have this one person with this one rule… I am very lucky and privledged to know them at this level. 

To the person who knows me best:  Thank you for sharing with me.  i will hold your secrets and keep them safe, I will cherish each moment – tears, silence, and laughter, I will honor our friendship first and foremost with the respect it so greatly deserves.  You know me… you let me be me… thank you.